No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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