so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
