i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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