i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
