Are we in a gay sports bar?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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