By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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