Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Randomize
