Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
What a dumb baby whore.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
