It's like God shit irony all over that family
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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