it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
