after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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