I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
