well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
