I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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