Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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