she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize