Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
