It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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