I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
