So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
