why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
