Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
