Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
