wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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