i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Who died my cat blue again?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
