Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Every concussion has its silver lining
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
