um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
