We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
