Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
