I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We're too hungover to prance.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize