I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
