I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
