$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
