yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
