oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
