tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
