Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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