My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
false alarm, still single
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