I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Randomize
