Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
