her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
