i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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