Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
