my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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