Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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