so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Did I show you my penis last night?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
