If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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