dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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