I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
