yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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