you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
