He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
