maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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