You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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