I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
