my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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