I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize