We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
