Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
