i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
