I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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