Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
