Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
