he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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