My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
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