But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize