WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
